I make no apologies for repeating myself: life in this grey community is never dull. Just when you think you’ve seen it all, something else pops up and catches you completely by surprise.
As part of my vendor interview process, I ask vendors to send me customer reviews, which usually means screenshots of WhatsApp conversations. This time was no different, until some of my members actually started reading them. When I took a proper look myself, I realised I was staring at comedy gold.
Below are five separate customer conversations with someone called Rick. Bear in mind that the rep who sent them to me is called Irene. She says the names correspond to her WhatsApp Business accounts, but whoever Rick may be, his approach to customer retention deserves to be studied.
Customer Review #1: The Full Rick Experience
The customer asks why 5AM hasn’t changed her appetite at all, then immediately explains that she eats less now and looks much slimmer. Rick confirms it is working, warns her that she is “not that young anymore,” reminds her that she’s already in her 40s and explains that 5AM can slow down ageing. Minutes later, she says she’s going away with her husband and wants to wear sexy dresses.
Rick changes direction:
“You’re going to be just as beautiful as before.”
In eleven minutes, Rick destroys her confidence, explains how to slow down ageing and then builds her confidence back up again. That’s not customer service. That’s a complete emotional journey.
Customer Review #2: Just Natural Athletic Talent
One of Rick’s customers and his friend want another four boxes of CJC-1295 for $416. The customer says his muscles are growing incredibly fast and that even his former trainer no longer has as much muscle as he does. “Rick” advises him to say it’s all down to natural athletic talent.
The customer sends a gym photo. Rick replies with a professional bodybuilder and tells him they have about the same amount of muscle. The customer admits there is “too big a gap” between them, but confirms the money will be sent within three hours and asks for his order immediately.
Four boxes of CJC-1295 ordered. All results officially attributed to natural talent. Sale completed with one professional bodybuilder photo.
Customer Review #3: No More Sagging, Send Two More Boxes
The customer doesn’t even begin with a review. She says she has used all her GHK, orders another two boxes and transfers $153 within two minutes. Only after receiving the money does Rick ask whether she’s happy with the results.
“Yes, my skin on my face isn’t sagging anymore.”
No further explanation required. Face lifted, payment sent, next shipment requested immediately.
Customer Review #4: Please Stop Taking the Product
The customer is four weeks into RT and has already lost 15 pounds, but thinks she still has fat on her legs. She asks “Rick” to recommend another peptide. Rick requests a photo, sees her already-slim legs and responds:
“You’re absolutely crazy. This is already pretty skinny.”
He then tells her to stop the RT, eat more carbs and protein, and exercise instead. She thanks him, says she is delighted with her body and promises to recommend him to all her friends.
The customer asked what else she could buy. Rick told her to buy nothing, and somehow gained several future customers.
Customer Review #5: Photographic Evidence Was Not Required
The customer reports that after an HMG injection he feels full of energy, lasted 40 minutes during sex and has a harder erection. He tells “Rick” that he feels like his younger self again. Apparently deciding that a written review wasn’t enough, he sends photographic evidence. Rick deletes the picture and replies:
“But can you not send it when I’m eating?”
Some customer reviews come with before-and-after photos. This one really didn’t need to.
I’m almost tempted to place an order myself just to have access to Rick and his “advice”
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